I have an issue.
If it sounds like a non-issue when I describe it, it's because I'm guarded with what I actually share; I'm not willing to divulge the details (perhaps this is an issue in itself, I don't know; I'm hoping I can deal with it without divulging details). Essentially, I have been yearning for the approval of people whose approval really doesn't matter. And the reasons behind this yearning are ridiculous.
I mean, I'm generally well-liked. Even when I try to be passive-aggressive to make people feel bad (yes I know that's petty), they fawn over me. And I need to make a note that I have not done anything stupid for approval, nor anything nasty (I'm trying to present myself as a nice person mostly); rather, it's just the yearning that's stupid.
Because I'm going to go out on a limb and say that my yearning for the approval of others stems (partially, at least) from finding my identity not in what God thinks of me, but what people think of me.
Why? Why do I care so much?
I know the scriptures tell me this is wrong. Galatians 1:10, for example, says "If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ" -- should I not rather yearn to serve Christ, regardless of what people think of me?
I'm hoping recognition of this problem as stemming from an identity crisis helps me tackle it. Oh, the problem is deeper, sure; it stems from the heart of a sinner. But if I ground my desires in living as a woman of God, if I can find my identity not in the opinions of people but as a woman of God, maybe, just maybe, my heart will begin to change.
Any verses/advice on this would be helpful. Any opinions, really. Even if you are going to tell me things I really don't want to hear. I'll try and accept it gracefully.
I don't want to care so much about what people think. I want to serve them in love, even if it means they think I'm not a "nice" person. I want to serve them in love, not pander to their expectations to receive ego strokes. I want to serve them in love and not in selfishness.
